The Crazy Christian USA

Let's Leviticus 20:13 Ted Haggard

2009-01-28T23:10:00.000-08:00

I don't know why this fairy just doesn't go away but I think it's time we mete out a little Biblical justice on this peter puffer.

More news about Ted the gay pastor from Colorado.

The best Christmas song ever!

2008-12-20T12:00:00.000-08:00

Let not mankind bogart love.

Rick Warren: Assassin for the Lord

2008-12-05T10:47:00.000-08:00

Rick Warren appeared on the Fox News Show, Hannity and Colmes, to advocate the assassination of the President of Iran. I'm not kidding.

Replying to a rant advocated the killing of a foreign leader by right wing crackpot, Sean Hannity, Reverend Warren replied that it is the legitimate role of government to punish evildoers. He said it was in the Bible. Really?

I don't know what Bible you're reading, Rick, but in the Bible I read Jesus is known as the Prince of Peace. In the Bible I read, there is NO passage that would advocate killing the leader of a foreign nation. In the Bible I read, governments create LAWS which people follow. Maybe if RW spent a bit more time reading his Bible and less time writing trite books about a pagan holiday (aka, Christmas) then he'd know this.

Since governments exist to punish evildoers, I wonder what the Reverend would propose as punishment for the Bush/Cheney Administration. I can think of NO ONE who has perpetrated more evil on this earth these past eight years.

Thanks be to God and Bah Humbug!

2008-11-29T17:46:00.000-08:00

Let us continue to give thanks to GOD for the light we can see ahead. We have less than two more months to suffer George W. Bush and the evil he has perpetrated upon the world.

As we move into the Xmas season let us remember what the meaning of Xmas is: Great deals on electronics and trying to buy the love of those you don't really want to show real love to.

You, know early Christians never celebrated Xmas and it is a recent creation in order for retailers to make a shitload of cash by guilting people with sentimental ads.

Say it out loud: Xmas has NOTHING to do with Jesus Christ or with God's plan for salvation. It is completely trumped up worthless holiday. If you want to show someone love or give them a gift, go ahead and DO IT! You don't have to wait for some stupid, phony celebration next to a dead tree that will never be used to warm your home, create a home for birds or give shade to someone like Jonah (read the book and you'll understand).

If you do decide to follow the world and not the Lord just be careful not

trample anyone to death or shoot anyone in the spirit of the season.

Xmas must be Satan's favorite holiday. Isn't that the reason everyone wears red?

America is NOT a Christian Nation

2008-11-19T11:53:00.001-08:00

I really hate when politicians and preachers proclaim that America is a Christian nation. It's not. In fact, America is far from a Christian nation because if Jesus ran a nation he'd heal and feed its citizens, he'd show kindness to aliens (illegal or otherwise), he'd instruct the rich to give back to the poor and he'd put an end to the military industrial complex, the prison industrial complex and the war on drugs.

Jesus never even lived to be old enough to be President. He never held any public office or official title. And if he were here today nobody would be pushing for him to run for office. They'd be looking for ways to imprison and execute him, just like they did 2,000 years ago.

In the coming weeks, I will be giving specific examples, with corresponding scriptures, of the reasons America is not a Christian nation and never was.

Just remember: NO DANCING!

2008-11-17T10:09:00.000-08:00

There's an old joke about a Baptist minister and his wife working together in their church. As the day went on, they were having a great time together and things started to get a bit amorous. The pastor was kissing his wife and things started to get hot and heavy. He pressed her against the wall after removing some clothes started to make love to her standing up. She was quite worried about getting caught by someone but he assured her it was OK because they were married. She then said, "I know, but I just hope they don't think we're dancing".

Rev. Ed Young from Dallas is getting a lot of press this week because he came out with a challenge to his parishioners: have sex with your spouse for seven days straight. What a great fucking idea! (no pun intended). Read it here.

I think pastors all over the country, all over the world should follow Rev. Young's idea. If there is a problem in the church, it's not enough Christians are having nasty, dirty, sweaty sex. Maybe if they were having more, they wouldn't have to worry so much about what their neighbor is doing and who they are having sex with.

I am going to follow the good Rev's advice and encourage the little woman to do the nasty every night this week. "We're doing it for the Lord", I'll tell her. I'll tell her I'll probably be in a better mood and I'll want to turn off the TV and help with the dishes. I'll want to buy her things, massage her feet and write her poetry.

Since we're going to be getting at it almost constantly I've been looking up some new positions. I think we're going to try some cowgirl, butterfly, scissors, doggy, missionary (of course) and maybe a just experiment. Here are some ideas.

However, no matter what my wife does or promises to do I already told her that under NO circumstances will there be any dancing. That would be wrong.

MMA in the Holy Land

2008-11-10T21:33:00.000-08:00

I've never been to the "Holy" Land and I really don't care to go. People over there are crazy and they fight over the stupidest shit imaginable. A bunch of monks got in a brawl because on group wanted to march around the supposed tomb of Jesus and the others wouldn't let them unless they were included. Hey guys, Jesus ain't there! He is risen! I don't know if anyone told you this. I guess this is what happens when you aren't getting any pussy and you have to chant all day.

MMA in the Holy Land!

Let me add that all this veneration of Israel and these Middle Eastern countries smacks to me of idolatry. I don't know what people hold sacred over there but it sure isn't GOD. They are fighting over dirt and ancient traditions that probably were made up by some swindler in the Middle Ages. That land is no more holy than shittiest piece of land in some of the most war torn countries in the world. Oh wait, that is shitty land in some war torn country.

If Jesus had his way, his blood would have been the last ever shed on that good for nothing dirt. Unfortunately, His supposed followers have never been good at doing things Jesus' Way.

Fudge packers and carpet munchers protest normal marriage

2008-11-09T23:47:00.000-08:00

Since Proposition 8 passed in California, the gay community has acted like a bunch of whiny bitches complaining that they are being discriminated against and going on gay parades all over the state. Read about it here.

Whatever. The electorate has spoken and your little get togethers are not going to change that, at least not this year. What they are going to do, however, is create a backlash from "normal" people and next time they have an issue on the ballot it's going to lose by twice as much. Plus, the religious right is going to ride this issue in order to do some fund raising and create more converts.

Give us some money.

So, all you gays out there, quit your bitchin'. You lost. Now bend over and take it like a man. Or a straight woman.

Nutjobs never sleep.

2008-11-07T10:29:00.000-08:00

"Christian" cult leader James Dobson's Focus on the (white suburban) Family is already trying to cash in on Barack Obama being elected President of the United States. Not waiting to even let him serve one day in office, they have started attacking him in a fundraising email and are already comparing him to the Nazis. Info here.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Barack Obama is a Christian. He has elucidated his faith in Jesus Christ many times over. Just because he does not accept your narrow, strident and WRONG interpretation of Christianity does not mean that his faith in Jesus Christ is lacking in any way. And even though Dobson is "grieving" for the our country, he offers NO repentance for his support of the Bush Administration, an Administration that has done more to undermine the greatness of America than all of our enemies could ever have hoped to do. His pathetic take on the election is here.

The attacks of FOTF do not in any way make me question Barack Obama's faith in God. It only makes me question what FOTF really believes in.

Eliot Spitzer for Attorney General!!

2008-11-06T22:38:00.000-08:00

So the former Governor of New York State will not be charged with anything after he was found to be cavorting with prostitutes. Story here. That's good. The man repented and asked his wife's forgiveness and resigned from his job. That's enough.

I believe in redemption. Eliot Spitzer did a great job weeding out evil doers on Wall Street during his time as Attorney General of New York. Now the country needs someone to do the same. I think he's the perfect man for the job.

President Elect Obama, please pray about it and then appoint Mr. Spitzer as your next Attorney General.

Show the world how forgiveness works.

THE END IS NEAR!!

2008-11-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

So America has chosen to elect THE ONE. Now that Barack Obama has been elected President there are people out there who fear he is the Antichrist. Really. Read here.

And here.

In fact, there has even been a surge reported from Google for the keyword "antichrist" since Obama's election.

Now I don't know anyone who thinks Obama is the Antichrist but a friend of mine spoke to his sister and she told him she thinks Obama's the antichrist. So I know someone who knows someone who does. Of course, I also know someone who knows someone who's uncle's friend rode in a spaceship and knows for a fact that Obama is really the son of space aliens because you will note none of his parents are living. You never know.

But if Obama's the Antichrist, I have to say that probably not altogether a bad thing. It means he is going to bring peace and prosperity and it means that the Lord is coming soon and this wicked world is short on time.

Thank GOD. I really was not looking forward to Sarah Palin running for President in 2012.

Love is stronger than death.

2008-11-03T17:03:00.001-08:00

I don't know what it is about homosexuals that scare fundamentalists so much. According to Tony Perkins, head of the Family Resource Council, the MOST important issue on the ballot this week is Proposition 8 in California. It's more important than the Presidential election, he says. Read it here.

Now, I don't what he's been doing but after the last four years but I think the Presidential election is pretty damn important. George W. Bush has been a disaster for American and religious hacks like Perkins wholeheartedly supported him in 2000 and 2004. Now that it looks like they'll lose their White House guest passes, they figure the Presidential election is not really that big of a deal.

I have to wonder if any of the thousands of families who lost love ones serving this country in Iraq and Afghanistan think a couple of gay caballeros shacking up and calling it marriage is the most important thing on the ballot. I wonder if the hundreds of thousands of people put out of work this year think gay marriage is the most important thing they will voting on. Or how about those millions of people who do not have any form of health insurance? Do they really care about what whether homosexuals call their unions "civil union" or "marriage"? Because that's all this issue is about: what we call it. Both sides of this issue are wrong and it's a waste of taxpayer time and money. It's also distracting from things that really matter.

There are life and death issues that we need to deal with on a National level and which direction this country goes in depends on this election. But Tony Perkins, James Dobson and the rest of those who deal in religious fear mongering think that the most important thing we have to deal with is what we call it when two people of the same sex decide to love one another. It's pathetic.

Perhaps these guys don't know that you're never going to change people through the law. Read Romans.

You change people through love. They need to love the gays just a little bit more. Although if they did that, it's possible that they might just like it a little too much. Maybe that's what's scaring them.

Crazy Shit Happens When Religion Rules

2008-11-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

Remember how when Sarah Palin ran the city government in Wasilla, AK they started charging women for their rape kits? Read about it here.

Well, the religious right in Somalia has found an easier way: stoning rape victims to death. Yep. In front of a stadium of more than a 1000 people, a group of men stoned a 13 year old girl, who was raped, to death because they said she was guilty of adultery. Read the whole sad story here.

I know these were Islamic fundamentalists perpetrating this evil but the punishment for adultery according to the Holy Bible is stoning (Duet. 22:22). And since this is a Christian nation according to Christian Right, it only follows that we should follow the tenets of the Bible. To hell with the Constitution, right? Just think of the money we could make on concessions at these public executions!

Now Jesus, were he here today, would probably be against it. He always seemed to have a way of screwing up a good stoning (John 8:3-11) and messing with capitalism (Mark 11:15-18).

Damn liberal.

Only Sarah Palin has First Amendment rights!

2008-10-31T17:31:00.000-07:00

That crazy in a sexy sorta way VP candidate thinks that the First Amendment protects her rights to say anything she wants without criticism. Really.

She thinks that her First Amendment rights are being stripped away because the liberal media elite dare to report her attacks on the Black Liberal Muslim Communist Socialist Satanic candidate Barack Lucifer Antichrist Hussein Hitler Obama Bin Ladin.

I don't know when the last time the Church Lady from Alaska read the Constitution was--

her thoughts on what the Vice President does were a little off--but one of the main aspects of the First Amendment is Freedom of the PRESS. I don't know how she missed that part but I guess she must have lost it somewhere between the religion and guns things.

I guess freedom of the press only counts if you're Fox News.

Read it and try not to weep. Warning: Link to liberal media.

Sodom and Gomorrah set to return to Earth

2008-10-31T13:17:00.000-07:00

The latest polls show California Proposition 8 is trailing in the polls and that gay marriage is set to take over the populace in California. Floods, firestorms, earthquakes, pestilence and riots are soon to overtake the Golden (shower) State. So in other words, life will go on as normal.

Honestly, I think Prop. 8 will win though due to the Rosie Effect. People do not want to appear bigoted but once in the voting booth (or would that be closet?) they are going to tell gays to bend over and take it.

Just wait and see.

What's not important to Jesus is important to Family Research Council

2008-10-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

I saw this dude talking on TV the other night saying he was a Christian and representing the faith. I didn't really agree with anything he was saying but I thought, "that's cool, let's see what they believe in". I pulled up their website and checked it out and there was not ONE single issue they were promoting that Jesus ever talked about. NOT ONE!

I thought there might be something about loving your neighbor, giving unto Caesar, selling your possessions and giving to the poor but no, most of the things were about sex whether homosexual or otherwise and others were about politics.

In order to call yourself a Christian, shouldn't you care about the things that Jesus cared about?

Check it out. You'll see what I'm talking about.

Heretic Central

Christian lady tells off lying bitch.

2008-10-30T17:23:00.001-07:00

Over in North Carolina, a couple of church ladies are running for Senate. Well, one of them, wife of former Viagra spokesmen, Bob Dole put out an ad saying that the other Christian lady does not believe in God, like she's some kind of educated, intellectual, atheist crackpot.

Well, she ain't. She was a Sunday School teacher and believes very much in God. Now she had put out her own ad saying that Elizabeth Dole is going to straight to HELL and is a total lying bitch. Or something like that.

Check it out here.

I have always been wrong.

2008-10-30T16:01:00.000-07:00

I think that's what it means to be a sinner. Admitting that you've always been wrong and asking for forgiveness. I mentioned in my last post that I thought polygamy was OK by God and OK by me but I have been corrected. My wife tells me I am mistaken. Polygamy is wrong. God would never be alright with it and it displeases Him greatly. So I stand corrected.

I asked her if she could back up her contention with Scripture and she said she couldn't and yet it doesn't really matter too much at this moment. She has something more authoritative than the Scripture, a vagina. And since it is the only one I have access to at this moment in time I don't want to risk never utilizing it again by arguing.

So Dear, my love, my perfect angel come to earth, you are all the woman I will ever need. Ours is a perfect union ordained by God. The idea of having another wife is a foolish adolescent fantasy. You are the most beautiful woman God ever created.

Now can I come back to bed?

Marriage between one man and one woman? Is that Biblical?

2008-10-24T23:54:00.000-07:00

There's a Proposition on the ballot in California to define marriage as between a man and a woman. I guess because the clause is in the singular it's supposed to mean ONE man and ONE woman. A lot of Christian groups are supporting this amendment (and even non-Christian ones like the Mormons) mainly because they hate fags.

However, I don't see a lot of basis in the Bible for defining marriage as between ONE man and ONE woman. Usually, marriage in the Bible is between ONE man and several women but I don't see many Christian groups clamoring for this type of marriage amendment. Personally, I support it. There are not a lot of good Christian men out there. It's a shame that they are taken and their selfish wives do not want to share. I think there should be an amendment to amend this.

Some people might say that because Paul says that a man cannot serve as a deacon who has more than one wife that it rules out polygamy in the New Testament. I do not agree. Because a man's duty is to his wife, a man with more than one just won't have the time or the energy to serve in the position of deacon. Especially now, in the age of Viagra.

I don't really care too much if gays get married. They are going to hell anyway, according to my judgmental friends. Of course, according to the Bible so are the sexually immoral (there goes the GOP ticket and their kids), thieves, the greedy, slanderers and swindlers (there go the GOP supporters) as well as drunkards, idolaters and others. Being gay is just one of a host of sins that send you to hell but I don't think about it as much as some other Christians because I guess I'm not tempted by it like they are.

Having more than one wife? Now, that's a different story.

Bring back Biblical marriage.

I've got a lot of love to give.

James Dobson has lost his mind! He thinks he's a nut job from the future.

2008-10-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

The ultra right wing fanatic, Dr. James Dobson, has always been a very strident, divisive voice in the Christian community but his Focus on the Family released an imaginary letter that is one of the most idiotic things I have ever seen. It is supposedly a letter from a Christian in 2012 about all the evils beset upon us by an Obama presidency--as if anyone could be worse than George W. Bush, great personal friend of Dobson, has been. It lists all the terrible woes that come upon America if Obama were to be elected. It reads like a bad high school fiction project.

Obviously, Dr, Dobson and his ilk are not very good at determining who will or will not be a good President because they were against Bill Clinton (who was a pretty good President) and for Dubya (who has been an abject failure). In fact, if Dr. Dobson were a prophet in the Old Testament, we would have stoned him to death a LONG time ago because he prophecies have time and again proven to be false.

I sure wish this evil doer disguised as an angel of light would go away because his actions turn more people away from the Lord than just about any single person I know of. This letter is beyond ridiculous and John McCain should denounce it.

Read it here if you can bear the stupidity.

A world gone crazy!

2008-10-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

We live in a world where the loudest Christian leaders preach a gospel that sounds nothing like that taught by Jesus Christ. Nothing.

I hear them talk about the importance of family. Jesus said if you don't hate your family, you are not worthy of him.

I hear them talk about taxes. Jesus said give to Caesar what is Caesar's.

I hear them talk about abortion. Jesus didn't say anything about that.

I wonder why some of these leaders even call themselves Christian because they don't seem to know that much about Jesus.

Some of the things I write may seem crazy. I certainly hope so, at least because they thought Jesus was crazy, they thought St. Paul was crazy, they thought the Prophets were crazy.

If I can be half as crazy as them, I'll be proud.